Human Emotions
by arisaswordheart
Summary: Edward has emotions like the rest of us and these emotions are as human as we are. What does he feel? Are we ever told? Learn here. [Im NOT doing Twilight scenes. Im relying on Midnight Sun for that] [If you read, Review! Ok?]
1. Vacant

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**Author's Notes:** I know it is short, they will get longer, but this was meant to be short.

**Disclaimer:** Well... yeah? You know what I mean...

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**Human Emotions** - Part 1

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Vacant

Although my organs had long ceased to operate, and it made no difference whether they were within me or not, there was a strange sense of vacancy with their disappearance. Sharp pain would stab as though they had been forcibly removed and now I was left, dying, as once indeed I had been.

I knew where they were though, they remained with Bella – no matter who she loved. The pain itself was enough to want to stop existing, but I had once promised her that I would continue to 'live' as long as she was alive.

No matter how much I hurt myself, I wouldn't let anything happen to her. Her happiness was my first priority and all I wanted, and needed, was for her to be happy. This was the best way.

But this was just to convince myself. I am such a masochist – What a sick, masochistic lion.

The pain was especially acute when I saw that Bella had truly believed me – excruciating pain indeed. However, it had done the job, and that's all that mattered.

Such pain, anguish – so intense a human's heart would shatter into a million fragments, lost to the blowing of the cold wind, never to be found again.

It was good I wasn't human, I suppose.

I closed my eyes over my ancient anguish.

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	2. The Other Way

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**Disclaimer:** Customary Disclaimers Apply

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**Human Emotions** - Part 2

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**The Other Way**

"_But I know that if things had gone the other way, I would have wanted the choice._"

Bella and Jacob were getting married.

That's a statement, and it's a fact…

Bella's moving on – and yet – the pain I feel is so…

Unbearable.

--

Edward sighed as he stood in front of the old Cullen residence for the first time in what seemed to be eternity – and in fact, it had been, for him especially.

Entering through the door swiftly as always, he went up the staircase and to his room. Lifting a sheet of the small cabinet, he pulled out a small velvet bag hidden deep inside the draw – one of the things he couldn't bear to take with him.

Pulling the object out and staring at it for a long period of time, he eventually moved over to the window, and the light glinted off the diamond heart which hadn't been able to sparkle in the gloom of his room a moment ago. Looking at it carefully one more time, he slipped it back inside the pouch, and dashed away.

--

I arrived, dressed in casual-formal with white shirt, black business jacket and black pants, but not in a tuxedo. Hesitating slightly near the door of the church, I slipped inside quietly – as always – and hung near the back, in the shadow of the walls. I knew I wouldn't have any trouble hearing – the pastor _or_ the thoughts of those around me – and that didn't really help my mood either.

As Charlie himself came in the door, excited despite his slight disapproval which I could detect, I tapped him on the shoulder surreptitiously. He turned and scowled upon seeing me.

"Charlie."

His thoughts were quite angry, that was plain to hear – and see – but that wasn't going to stop me today. Some things need to be done, whether or not you get hurt in the process or whatever you needed to do to complete it.

"Cullen."

I looked back with as much politeness and calmness as I could muster, staying hidden.

"I'm not here to do anything." I stated composedly, contrary to the tension I could feel in my body. "Please pass these to Bella and Jacob and convey my Best Wishes to their future and their marriage and my Congratulations." I continued formally.

_I don't think they need your best wishes_

I flinched slightly, but did not say anything, still offering the presents to Charlie. Finally he took them with bad grace.

"I will. Thank you for your kind thoughts. I'm sure they will appreciate it." He replied just as formally.

I nodded and slid further back into the shadows now, as the matrimonial commenced.

--

Charlie raised his eyebrows as he saw me in front of the church still, sitting in the shadows on the steps watching the happy couple inside their car, a crowd hanging around them. Walking up the few steps which separated us, he stood a little way away, staring downwards.

"I suppose it is goodbye then." He gave me a quick glance, this thoughts sounding glad as always. "I'll give them your presents later."

"Thank you." I said tightly now, the raw pain apparent in my voice and my manner, even as I turned away, and controlled it with a vicious hand.

Charlie's eyes widened a little as he took it in, finally, how much pain this had caused, and what sounded like sympathy whispered though his mind. I sighed, passing a hand over my face – _this_ I didn't need.

I sighed in frustration, getting to my feet, and politely bidding Charlie good day through my gritted teeth, turned on my heel and strode down the side of the church. Before I was even around the corner, I was running, running my fastest…

… but I would be back.

If Bella ever needed me, I had promised.

I would always be waiting.

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**What were the presents? Review to find out! -- Or I'll put it in later anyway, you lazy peoples...

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	3. Two Receptions

**Human Emotions – Part 2**

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**The Other Way - Part 2**

**Two Receptions**

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Author's Notes:** Two receptions as in 1) The wedding reception and 2) Reception of presents. Also, this is probably the only chapter with Bella and Jacob's views, because this I felt I needed to wrap up the other one mostly. I hope it's sufficient – though I haven't solved anything. Read the second Author's Notes for more.

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Bella

I unraveled the gift in its tissue paper wrapping which Charlie had handed to me without expression at the reception. Although I could smell the sweet smell of _him_ lingering on the paper, I was too curious for it to even hurt me anymore.

I pulled off the last piece of tissue paper and stared at the velvet pouch in my hands before pulling the strings apart to pour out the hard item inside.

I gasped as I stared at the heart, which glittered in the faint light. I picked it up and turned it. I was pretty sure it was crystal, and yet to have a shine such as that – it couldn't be!

Although I was impressed by the present, I was also hurt that he hadn't shown himself to me at the wedding though. I knew that him being there would have hurt me, even as I walked down that aisle, and yet now that I knew the fact that he had been there after all, it hadn't hurt me as much.

I wondered who even invited him in the first place.

I thought it probably wasn't Charlie, who had expressed his dislike enough times for… well, _him_. It probably wasn't my other wedding planners either, they didn't know him. I didn't think it was Jacob either, because he still sneered and called vampires bloodsuckers and leeches.

I slid over to Jacob who was staring down at his own present, eyebrows raised in a strange expression of confusion crossed with amusement crossed with disdain. I peered over his shoulder. The tissue papered package contained a note and a few other objects. I read the note quietly as he shifted it and Jacob glanced at me.

_Look after her_. The note read.

I blinked and then sat back, smiling slightly. It was just like… Edward, to care more for my happiness than his own, wasn't it? Even though he had told me that he didn't want me, I remembered that slip he had tried to cover.

_I will always love you… in a way…_

That was sweet.

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Jacob

It was weird, looking at that tissue papered present, smelling the sweet cold scent that lingered on it, and trying not to throw it away.

So, I opened it. Inside it was a note and … it looked like a chain or something, but when I picked it up and the links clinked together, I realised that it was a bracelet – a well made one too.

Bella slid over and I saw what she held in the palm of her hand. I had to admit it looked expensive, not to mention I could see the symbolism quite plainly. Something that was cold, hard and sparkled – yes, just like him.

Still though, I understood what he wanted. It seemed the bracelet and the pendant – or charm, I suppose – went together, much like a pair. A bit like a joint present from me and _him_ wouldn't it be, since I was given the bracelet by him and would probably give it to Bella now.

I turned over the paper and read it now though, placing it on top.

_Look after her._ It read in elegant script – something that didn't seem from this century.

I glanced at Bella to see her reaction, but she was smiling and she sat back again.

_I will._ I answered silently, sighing and somewhat reluctantly, to my mortal enemy.

I had no doubt he would hear with perfect clarity.

--

Edward

I was hiding again – of course. I knew it would probably pain Bella to see me there, so I kept as out of sight as possible and watched Charlie deliver my presents emotionlessly. It seemed he had understood me more than he ever did at last. At least there was something to be happy about.

I didn't feel if I'd ever be happy again though.

It isn't easy, watching the one you love go off and marry another man – one that you can't help but hate either, for I had finally recalled the strange scent. Werewolf. Of course though, Bella the Danger Magnet – won't ever fail. They should use her for fridges – would earn millions.

I watched again as Bella opened up her present and saw her surprise and pleasure. It was very symbolic of course – not only in the way I could hear Jacob thinking either – but that my heart also belonged to her, no matter who she loved.

I watched as they both read my note and Bella smiled, settling down to sit properly again next to Jacob. Then a thought directed at me caught my attention.

_I will._

I smiled and turned, knowing that Jacob probably would look after Bella, and left the hall where the reception was taking place. I glanced back once and saw Bella and Jacob snuggling together, but she was happy and she had moved on as I had asked.

As long as she was happy, I would try to be – for her.

As long as she needed me – I would be there – and even when she didn't.

I would be waiting in the sidelines though, if the day should come where she will return to me once more.

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Author's Notes:** Okay, so nothing was solved really, just another promise to return – but I told you people what was in the presents now and so I hope you like them. I was surprised I managed to find symbolism in it, actually, but it was fun. 

Now, how it might have ended if I was really writing a story from this. You can feel free to steal these ideas, but I really think they do … well, suck. Okay. 1) Bella can't have children (because I'm sick of the Bella falls pregnant stories) and then 2) Jacob imprints on a girl and is very sorry but has to leave Bella. – hold on, actually, I can probably make a story from that, haha…

Anyways… that's just from my mind... I hoped you enjoyed it, though I'm not sure anyone's reading this, to be honest… noone seems interested.

**Review** if you do read it, please. It's getting lonely…. INTERACT!

Please continue!

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	4. What You've Got

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**Requiem**

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**What You've Got**

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**Author's Note:** Okay, I'm sorry if it drags, but I really wanted to start it here and the dialogue is already set in stone, so that's what I have to do, especially when the scene is pretty much mapped out for you already so you cant make up much. 

I hope I didn't mess up on any emotions or whatnot… I'm not sure they were conveyed all that well, to be frank. Even so, enjoy.

EDIT: Might I add that only the two 'The Other Way's are attached and this story isn't related to the last two at all. Rewind!

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Disclaimer:** You should know by now, I really don't think this is necessary. I don't own it, I never will… even if I wanted to.

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"Sorry." I said breathlessly. "That was out of line."

"_I_ don't mind." Bella panted, as she lay there. Saying silly things as always.

I frowned. "Try to sleep, Bella."

"No, I want you to kiss me again."

I almost sighed. First she wanted me to ignore her birthday and now she wanted favours – not to mention what I had done just then, out of my desperation. I needed to reign in myself before she noticed anything – more that is.

"You're overestimating my self-control."

"Which is tempting you more, my blood or my body?" She challenged. I fought the urge to sigh again, and answered truthfully.

"It's a tie." I grinned at her despite myself, and then was serious again. "Now, why don't you stop pushing your luck and go to sleep?"

"Fine." She agreed, snuggling closer to me. It was still very frustrating how I couldn't hear her thoughts. I had initially thought it would get better, and yet, it just got worse and worse.

She pressed her injured arm against my shoulder and I raised my eyebrows at her but she didn't see, her eyes closed in contentment. I sat there for a while, waiting for her to fall asleep, and watched her face in the semi-darkness – a face which I might not see for a long time – if ever – again.

In a way I was glad she was asleep now. That meant I could now make my decision. I couldn't keep putting Bella in danger as she was now – the incident not all that long ago was proof of that.

That incident _and_ the other before it.

I remembered very well – obviously – when James had been hunting her. When Alice and I found out that Bella had disappeared, tricking Jasper, and then I had found and read the note, dread had descended on me, and in that instant I began making plans for my death. Once again, when Jasper had tried to pounce on Bella earlier, it had woken me to the fact that Bella was constantly in danger around us and not only from others, but also to my family and myself.

I didn't want Bella to get hurt.

"Edward." Bella murmured from next to me.

My long dead heart ached from the decision I was about to make. It might mean I would have to lie through my teeth for hours, but it had to be done. I had to make _some_ sort of attempt of keeping Bella from the dangers my family and I posed.

_Don't do it._

Alice's thoughts echoed from outside, and I eased away from Bella over to the window as Alice slid inside.

"Then what should I do?" I muttered, knowing she would hear me.

Alice didn't answer, but shook her head, frowning painfully – of course, Bella was like a sister to her.

"I can't keep putting her in danger. It's for the best."

_But…_

Alice stopped and she stared at nothing for a second before her face turned horrified. I peeked into her mind to watch the vision.

_No! At least let us say goodbye to her!_

I shook my head firmly.

"A clean break is what she needs."

Alice stared at me painfully for a minute longer, but I knew she understood. That didn't mean she agreed with me, however, and her expression changed. She glowered.

_Fine. I understand. We'll be gone as soon as we've packed._

With that she was out the window and gone, running back to Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie and Emmett to relay my plan. I knew that although they didn't agree to my method, they would agree to move if that was what I wanted. My family owed me – they owed me for all the moves we had made in the past for what they had done.

Looking at Bella one last time, pain searing through my body, I closed my eyes and tried to brush away my memories, making myself remote and calm as I waited for Bella to wake up.

--

When Bella woke, I kissed her forehead quickly and ducked out the window. I was afraid if I stayed any longer at that moment, my resolve would weaken.

_She's anxious._

Jasper's thoughts sounded from somewhere far away, but he knew I would be able to hear.

"_What are you thinking about?_" Bella had asked in a whisper, last night.

"_I was thinking about right and wrong, actually,_" I had answered, truthfully.

Right and wrong. Yes. What was the right and wrong thing to do to keep Bella safe. I wanted to stay with Bella, but I knew our presence meant she was in constant danger.

I was too selfish for my own good.

I met Bella at school as she drove up in her truck. I courteously opened the door for her.

"How do you feel?"

"Perfect." She replied. I could tell she was lying as she cringed when I slammed the truck's door shut. I struggled with a smile for a second, before managing to smooth my face once again.

We went through the day without Bella asking about anything that had happened last night, though I could tell she was curious, but I tried to be as aloof as possible. It was necessary for what I would do, even though I wanted to take her hand and smile at her as usual.

But this wasn't a usual day.

"Where's Alice?" Bella asked anxiously as we sat down lunch and she had looked around.

I looked at the granola bar I was 'pulverizing' and told her a not-quite-lie.

"She's with Jasper."

"Is he okay?"

"He's gone away for a while." _They've _all_ gone away for a while – A long while too._

"What? Where?"

I shrugged, not wanting to lie, but knowing I would have to.

"Nowhere in particular." That sounded suspicious even to me.

"And Alice, too." Something like desperation sounded in her voice as she mused over this fact. I knew that what I said would sound reasonable to her though.

"Yes. She'll be gone for a while. She was trying to convince him to go to Denali." I lied. This would make perfect sense to her, even if Alice had done nothing of the sort and even if Bella was unhappy about it. I watched her peripherally as she swallowed.

"Is your arm bothering you?" I asked solicitously.

"Who cares about my stupid arm?" she muttered in what sounded like disgust, although I couldn't understand where the disgust was directed. If I had to guess, however, I would say it was directed at me. I deserved it after the way I was treating her.

That made me even more miserable, and I didn't answer. She put her head down on the table.

I struggled with the anxiety, and pressed my lips together firmly, afraid I would say the wrong thing if I spoke to her now.

This was killing me.

--

I was in the armchair, watching TV with Charlie, when Bella arrived home. I'd been surprised and worried earlier when she asked if I was going to go over 'later', and it had been harder to remain indifferent as I watched her leave to work by herself – but I had managed and soon I would have to rip myself and her up as I delivered my final blow – whenever I decided to do that.

"Hi," Bella said weakly, as she watched the two of us watch the TV with such focus – although I was more immersed in my thoughts than in the game.

"Hey, Bella." Charlie answered. "We just had cold pizza. I think it's still on the table."

"Okay."

She waited in the doorway for a while and I realised she wouldn't move until I made some kind of interaction with her.

I looked at her with a polite smile. "I'll be right behind you." I let my eyes wander back over to the TV and listened carefully as she stared in what seemed to horror and escaped hurriedly. Bella wasn't stupid, she was definitely taking this in.

Charlie groaned as one of the teams scored and we complained for a while about the incompetence of that team – though Charlie did much of the moaning. Charlie grumbled once more as I heard Bella move out of the kitchen and upstairs.

I listened carefully and could hear the quiet snap as Bella took some pictures with the camera I knew she had been given. How I wished I could read her thoughts – but that was one of the reasons I loved her – because she would be so unpredictable and mysterious.

Sometimes, in order to do something, sacrifices needed to be made. I would gladly rip myself up, if that meant that Bella, the one I loved, would be safe.

And that's what I would do.

--

I hadn't smiled at her last night. I hadn't stayed. I hadn't even shown any sort if emotion towards Bella, and, as I had reflected on this last night, it was definitely working. Bella knew something was happening and she was miserable about it. It hurt me to see that I hurt her by treating her like this, but if I had treated her any other way, she wouldn't believe what I would be telling her very soon.

Although I hadn't planned to go over that night, I couldn't help but hide and spy on her. She was sitting on her bed and opening a small rectangular envelope. She pulled one out and I could see, even from where I was hiding, that it was one of myself. I closed my eyes and looked away as she gasped.

No. I couldn't do this, but I had to. I _had_ to.

I watched Bella slot the pictures inside her album in agony. I wanted to go to her, touch her, kiss her – tell her that I was sorry at the way I had treated her for the past two days. When she folded one of the pictures and put it under the flap, gazing at the picture of me happily, I turned away.

Nothing waited me at home, all of my family was gone, at my request – or more command. I sneaked in through the window after she fell asleep, and she murmured in her sleep again.

I kissed her forehead gently, even as she moved restlessly in her sleep. This would be the last time, I promised myself, the last time I would look at her so unguardedly. After that I would steel myself for what I had to do.

But for now, I would watch her sleep, I would remember her scent, and I would remember the fun we had – for the last time.

--

I pressed the letter to my face, inhaling Bella's smell half guiltily before dropping it inside the mailbox. Something to remember.

I sighed, then turned and went back to my Volvo, speeding as usual towards Bella and Charlie's house.

_I'll still beat you there,_ I had joked humourlessly. I smiled a little as I pulled up in Charlie's spot in front of the house and waited. I didn't plan to stay. This would be the day that everything would change. This would be the day that I would rip my heart out and feed it to the crows.

There were preparations to be made, however, and I got out of my car and entered the house via Bella's window as usual. Such a natural thing to be going through that window – but it would probably be the last time I did.

I pulled the photos reluctantly out of the photo album and slipped the album back onto the table precisely. Then I crossed over to the CD player and pulled the silver CD out of it. I played the words I would say in my head. _It will be as if I never existed_. With that thought, I fetched her plane tickets which had been a present from Carlisle and Esme and slid out of the window again. The radio for Bella's truck would have to stay though.

I got back into my car and put down the small pile of stuff onto the seat next to me, staring at it pensively, and waiting. Sometimes the speed of that truck frustrated me, but today it was almost a blessing. Today it helped me stall the moment of dread, but even as I had this thought, I heard the truck roar around the corner.

Bella pulled up in front of the house and I got out of my car once again as she stepped out of the truck and went to meet her. I took her book bag and shoved it back onto the seat, even as she looked confusedly at me, frowning slightly. She wouldn't need it for where we were going and I didn't plan on going to the house – yet.

"Come walk with me." I said unemotionally, and took her warm hand to lead the way.

I didn't wait for an answer, but pulled her along towards the east side of the yard, where the forest infringed their land. She followed unwillingly and when I glanced back at her, I could see she looked frightened.

We had only gone a few human steps into the trees when I stopped and dropped her had, somewhat regretfully. I leaned against a tree, staring at her, carefully masking any emotions and making my already cold and dead heart even more cold and hard – like ice, like diamond.

"Okay, let's talk." Bella began, a little haughtily.

I took a deep breath for what I was going to say.

"Bella, we're leaving."

I watched her take a deep breath too as she thought about this. Then I realised – No, Bella was going to misunderstand.

"Why now? Another year – "

"Bella, it's time." I interrupted her, struggling with the anger which was directed internally now. I watched her face, even as I finished the rest of my well prepared talk.

I had prepared for this. That was the part that hurt especially. I had prepared for something that would hurt her.

She looked confused even as I stared back coldly, then suddenly her face changed and I knew that she understood.

We were leaving without her.

Even as she continued, however, I knew that I would have to hurt her more. I would have to do the one thing I had been dreading for days now. I had stalled it long enough and it was time to come out and say it – as much as I hated to.

"_No!_ This is about my soul isn't it?" She shouted furiously, hysterically – pleading with those beautiful eyes. "Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you – it's yours already!"

How funny she should say that right before I would break her heart. Pledge her love right before I was going to throw it away like it were little more than trash. I took a deep breath.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I said slowly and precisely, watching her with eyes that were emptied of emotion. Of all of me, they were the part of me that would most easily betray my inner turmoil.

There was a pause as she stared. She hadn't been expecting this. I wasn't sure she had interpreted my words correctly though.

"You… don't… want me?"

"No." I said with finality and serene calmness, although at that moment I felt excruciating pain. She believed me. She truly believed me. Just a few words and she had turned around completely – even after so many times I had told her I loved her.

"Well that changes things." Her voice was calm and reasonable, but her expression was numb and bewildered. I took an uneasy and painful breath as I looked at her face.

I looked into the trees uncomfortably. "Of course, I'll always love you," I stopped before I could contradict myself and spill out my whole plan.

"... in a way." I added hastily. But what happened the other night made me realise that it's time for a change." I was almost being truthful, interesting. "Because I'm… _tired_ of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human." How good of me to tell the blatantly obvious truth, but I would have to pretend to be human whether or not I liked it. That was my way of life.

Was I lying to her once again?

"I've let this go in much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

_No_. My mind whispered even as the words left my mouth. I could never be sorry, only sorry that Bella's been in danger the whole time.

"Don't." She whispered, and pain flared anew, even as I kept my emotionless face. "Don't do this." Even as I stared at her coldly and patiently.

"You're not good for me, Bella." I was contradicting. I had said I wasn't good for her and now I was turning my words around, desperately trying to make her cut herself free from me so I could just sit back in my pain and she could be free and safe.

She opened her mouth to say something, and closed it. Then she opened it again.

"If… that's what you want."

I nodded. No, it wasn't what I wanted. _No._

"I would like to ask for one favour, though, if that's not too much." Of course it was too much, I was hurting her already and I asked for favours? My internally directed disgust kicked me in contempt.

I saw her face contorted in pain and emotion from what I had said – and motioned - before and let go of my mask for the briefest second, before dragging it back up again.

"Anything." She vowed, her voice faintly stronger.

I couldn't help it. The mask slipped again as I prepared for this final moment and final pledge.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid." I ordered and could hear that my voice was no longer detached and burned with anxiety, which I struggled to hide a little. "Do you understand what I'm saying?" Even as she nodded, I grabbed the reins of my emotions and dragged them back viciously, "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself – for him."

Way to go justifying my words on another person. Of course what I said was true enough, but I wanted her to promise for another reason entirely.

She nodded. "I will," she whispered.

I relaxed slightly, having faith in that she would be careful – she would be safe. Even without me to protect her – although I knew I was more of a danger, being the reason I was leaving in the first place.

"I'll make you a promise in return." I said, sealing my fate. "I promise that this will be the last time that you'll see me. I won't come back I wont put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I never existed." I smile at her gently, but blankly, I wasn't even looking at her clearly anymore – how foolish.

"Don't worry. You're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind."

"And your memories?"

"Well." I hesitated, not sure how to continue. "I won't forget. But _my_ kind…" I put an emphasis on _my_. "… we're very easily distracted." _A lie. As if _anything_ could distract me from this pain now._

I smiled and took a step away. "That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

I didn't even think about what I was saying as she asked, with sudden realisation, about Alice. I hoped with all of my dead heart that what I had just done was right – that I was truly ripping myself up in vain. Alice _had_ disagreed to this most firmly, not to mention she was the one who saw the visions, but this was a choice which _I_ had to make.

"Goodbye, Bella." I said in that level and peaceful voice, even as I longed to go over, kiss her and tell her I had lied and I wasn't going anywhere, but I had probably ripped her up as well to the point of no return.

"Wait!" She reached out and I wanted to reach out and hug her too, raising my arms as a reflex action, before fixing them around her wrists and pinning them to her sides. Although I had promised myself I wouldn't do this again, I leaned down and pressed my lips to her forehead briefly. Her eyes closed.

"Take care of yourself," I breathed, and then I turned and disappeared with all the speed that was available to me.

--

I arrived back at the house and slipped into my car again, leaning wearily against the steering wheel.

Although I had said what I said, I couldn't just leave. I wanted to leave a part of me with her, to let someone know that once, Edward Cullen existed and once, he was Bella Swan's girlfriend. I grabbed the pile of stuff next to me. I couldn't take it away and even if I did, I knew of nowhere to hide it.

I slipped back through the window and looked for a place to hide the items. I looked at the floor and inspiration struck. I pulled off a floorboard and distributed the items inside the whole. Smiling at them one last time, I shoved the floorboard back on and stood up quietly.

_This is wrong._ But even as the thought came, I pushed it away.

It was funny how I felt better, being inside Bella's room. The pain eased just a bit as I looked around the familiar room again. I realised I should have left, otherwise Bella would be back by now, but my ears told me otherwise. I felt anxious. It was just like Bella to get lost in the forest, even though I'd left her in plain view of the house.

Even so, I couldn't go after her, especially not after what I did. So I would have to settle for second best. Sneaking downstairs, I grabbed a piece of paper and recalled to mind Bella's handwriting – which, of course, I could remember with perfect clarity.

Especially in the letter she wrote…. _I love you_.

I brushed it away impatiently and scribbled messily, not in my usual handwriting.

_Going for a walk with Edward, up the path. Back soon, B._

It would be easier for Charlie to know what I'd done, also – easier to blame it on me once again as well. That was okay though, I deserved it.

I heard Charlie a few streets away and dashed outside to my car. I sped away and was long gone before Charlie could even enter his street.

I called a silent, lamenting goodbye as I drove away – to disappear forever.

Love, life, meaning … over

--

_Don't it always seem to go,_

_That you don't know what you've got_

'_Til it's gone?_

--

**

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Author's Note:** This went for **much much** longer than a thought it would… Would you believe this is a little over 10 pages in size 12 Times New Roman on word? And that's minus the Author's Notes as well! I don't think I've ever written a chapter this long (actually, that's true, I haven't), and though a lot of the lines were just from New Moon… well I do feel proud at my accomplishment…Yay!**

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Review?** I'd really like opinion on this chapter. I like it a lot, apart from a certain section – but you don't need to know that. (Though I just told you …. Haha.)

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